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[06 Nov 2005|01:28pm]
sometimes I feel like me being a writer is some sick failed attempt (which of course is crying for attention) at being a comedian. god help me please.
run with me

Why I am going to start using this again. [23 Sep 2005|11:39pm]
because I haven't in a long time.
and by now, surely no one will think to check it, and so I can share my most intimate thoughts and have them archived online yet, ironically, at the same time- completely private.
run with me

mi muerto [04 Jan 2005|10:49pm]
I'm getting really freaked out about spain. I can't speak spanish. a week from tomorrow I will be directed towards an address that looks something like this--> c/Cervantes 12-8A46, I've been practicing "como esta usted?" en mi cabeza toda la semana, pero no se, si yo debere decir "como esta?" solamente, en cambio.
I have also been practcing random phrases such as:
por la airlinea:
"Tuve un maleta grade que era roja, pero no lo encontra." (en caso de no puedo encontrar mi maleta a la aeropuerta)
por mi senora, cuando ella se lava la ropa:
"Senora, no lo secas por favor." por cuando necesito mis pantalones lavados, pero no secados.

yeah I'm a nerd and I'm going to die.
1 mile|run with me

garden state and other uninteresting and unoriginal thoughts [30 Dec 2004|01:30am]
garden state was a disapointment. not that I had that high of expectations, but I had heard a few compliments.
how much creativity does it take to propel a plot with excessive drug usage, and resulting hallucenations, and mental agnst? and even more uninteresting and disapointing, even though these annoying and wornout staples were used, nothing original resulted. just propeled into cheesiness and, yeah, more disapoinment.

i also am amazed that I am awake and sober at 1.30 am, the two rarely occur as a pair.

only 3 days left in Missouri, then I will be off in a life of unknown.
run with me

make my wish come true. [22 Dec 2004|03:45pm]
okay and if anybody is still looking for gift ideas for me. get me this dress, along with the body that would look so good in it. thanks!
run with me

(un)locked? [22 Dec 2004|03:29pm]
I'm back and it looks as though livejournal has polished it's wings. can it do that? I don't know.
it's just a little different than when I left it.
speaking of left. I got left and here I am in omaha Ne waiting for the family to come get me. oh god now not only have I taken on a radio persona, I'm rhyming too. bordedom will get you everywhere. seriously.

right now I"m trying to decide if I'm going to lock this, the other day after googling my name (I was serious about the boredome thing) I found several of my journals in which I had posted papers that contained my name, granting access to the rest of this account to any random sarah stalker and we all know there are a few of those out there....right. so it's decided .. locked.

now I feel like I can talk a bit more openly. then I think about how many people are going to read this. alyse, probably, julie, maybe. anyone else. yeah,,, no. so I feel I can be even more open, fuck I might as well be a super walmart.
but then again. I realize that alyse and julie are two of the only people who already know what's going on in my life right now. so why risk carpal tunnel just to type it again? no there is no need.
so I bullet the important things:
*still nothing from kenyon
*sam is the girl lucas , um, temporarily loved (I'm challenged by blunt verbs and adjectives)
*I don't even know how many days until Christmas, getting old sucks
*today I ate my weight in peanuts. high protein diet that I'm not following.
*after work I will go run. I'll shoot for 10 because I don't want to get home before jaleh and I didn't run yesterday
*I don't want to get home before jaleh because I left a rude note on the thermostat telling her to never fucking put it on 80 again. (okay so it wasn't that harsh, but the pen ripped through the paper a couple of times, so I think she'll be able to tell)
*well, and if she can tell that's going to make it awkward so I don't want to be there when she sees the note. plus she wants me to go visit her two woman-cousins with her and I need to pack my room up because the girl moving into it left me a list of shit I need to do before I leave. fuck that.
okay so I'm not going to lock it.
run with me

my day. [15 Sep 2004|08:10pm]
I hate it when people talk on the phone in the library, like it's okay now or something because technology is advancing and almost all people have cell phones. no that doesn't mean anything. you still can't talk on your phone in the library. waht the fuck, if somebody came in with their shiney little phone with spiny circle numbers and a cord and plugged in into the jack in the wall and started calling people those cell phone techies would look at them with disgust for interrupting their concentration when they were trying to text message.
come on hate it with me.
I just feel like hating right now. that's how I guess I usually get before I go to chapter, god I love chapter. nothing I would rather do that sit there and listen to people talk about things that mean nothing. like what color a tshirt should be, or what time we should all go to the golf cart parade, or better yet! how we should decorate our golf cart. I mean I know these things are important but don't you think there are better things to talk about like, oh how far it is acceptable to sharpen a #2 pencil down before it must be thrown away, and which is the correct way to say it? pop or soda?

on the brighter side of life, I cut off the bottom of my jeans, my deodorant is not working (that's DOve by the way), and I ate three brownies today (not all at once of course, throughout the day, it was a gradual process, wouldn't want to overwhelm myself).
1 mile|run with me

[11 Sep 2004|11:46pm]
tenemos un problemo

hay muchas personas de Creighton quien tienen Live Journal accounts. no se este.
Ahora, es necesario que yo escribo mi journal en espanol pues ellos no leerlo.
Si estes personas leen mi journal, yo muria. Estoy seriosa. Tambien, no me gustan los personas aqui. Si alli.
2 miles|run with me

[25 Jul 2004|12:20pm]
ew my journal is just so repulsive I can't handle it. yuck.
things in wisconsin are good. kind of chilly but they are going all right. this afternoon we are supposed to go to these people's house that live on the bay and they are having just a picnic bbq thing with canoe races. of course doesn't every bbq have canoe races? yes that's what i thought.
I'm very pale so I have been building a tan with neutragena so people can recognize me when I go back to school. my skin looks like it's december which is funny because it's not. and usually by late july I look like a hot dog that fell through the grate on the bbq, probably forgot about it cause the races were so exciting.
I work a lot. 45-50 hours a week plus 2 hours a day of driving. but im not going to complain because I'm making hella money. like crazy. today at church instead of listening I was trying to figure out how much money I need, and I almost cried cause I still don't think that I'll have enough to buy everything I need for the new house and save for spain. which means I will have to take out a mondo loan and then next summer making all that money will just be like some sort of false allurement (word? I don't know) caus eI'll just have to pya it back. I hate that. like the first $1000 I made and I just deposited I have to give to my parents as soon as it goes through. what a blow.
anyway enough money troubles. I know you all have them too and don't need to hear about mine too, because they really aren't that awful. I just have really nothing to do so I think instead.
and I'm trying to be crafty again. like I was last summer, but this summer I just have no will for anything. I think, however, I am going to make some slip covers for our couch and chairs for the house, some of those shadow box shelves, and I coffee table. actually I'm going to cover te coffee table with coasters I got from random pubs in ireland. I thought it would be neat. I've also alreaddy started crocheting hots pads. talk about a nerd. ahaha. oh and kaleena, tristin's bday is the 3rd yes? or I guess it doesn't matter cause I will be home on the labour day weekend regardless. anyway does he still obsess over spiderman or is there a new obsession?
okay, well the rest of my family just got home so I need to hang out with them because I never see them. oh yes I do. they are the only people I see. well whatever, I'm hungry.
2 miles|run with me

[08 Jul 2004|02:23am]
I felt like updating my journal until right now.

but I guess I'll just keep trucking since I'm all the way down at the computer lab and I probably won't be here for a while longer.
tonight we went to a pub called cobblestone it was off the beaten path and fun. we went to the back room and sang old irish folk songs with all these people. it was actually very nice. I lost my glassed though which really sucks bcause now I can see.
my mom and grandparents got here to day it took me forever to find them. blah.
one more day of school left.
my final papers are due tomorrow. I cam to do myine drunk. but I hate what I am doing to it now, so I think I am going to leave it up to the wind
run with me

ALYSE!!!! [04 Jul 2004|12:34am]
I mangled my journal and I need your computer savy support!
ewww. look at it. I dont understand.
3 miles|run with me

eire [02 Jul 2004|01:07am]
okay so here I am. in ireland. actually I've been here for a ahilw. first night I've had bailey's though, couldn't leave without that. tomrorow everyone is leaving but me, so Im going to head to the beach. if it's sunny that is. take the dart (train thing) out there and maybe pack a sandwhich and take a book.
tomorrow night I think I will go to a movie, maybe the cooler, I was thinking eternal sunshine ofthe spotless mind again but I'm not sure that I feel like crying a lot right now. I'm kind of homesick. germany was so great that it made me homesick. I wanted my family there to see it, and I wanted all my friends there so see it and julie of course. and I want lucas here to see me. and it of course.
but I don't want to spend the whole time I'm here being homesick and don't worry I'm not, I'm just feeling a little reminiscent right now and my shoes gave me blisters on the backs of my feet and I don't want to walk aroud dublin anymore tonite. tomorrow after the beach or before or if it's rainign I'm going to look for an oxfam or some other type of used second hand store. I found a vintage one today but they wanted 19 € for a teshirt, a used fucking t shirt what kidn fo shit is that? I hate shitty ass places liek that.
I'm gong to go make it so peopel can see my pictures. so you all can see me and how long my hair is getting (not really) ezpecially since I probabaly won't see you guys until september when I am planning on coming hoem (well mexico anyway) for labour lay, ahaha, maybe it will be more like a lay, o dear. day I meant day. but that's not for sure but that's what I would wish for anyway.
2 miles|run with me

[22 Jun 2004|01:16pm]
haven't written in a long time, but neither have any of you, damn you all, except julie. and no one checks their email. blah.
and no one gives me their addresses. well that's fine, see what you get. oh wait nothing.
today I'm going to go to the writers museum and the james joyce center. it should be a rousing time. then I'm going to shop on my way back, yesterday I got some cute ass shoes. I got some for emily too, (because she COMMUNICATES WITH ME AND SENT ME HER ADDRESS- oh yeah and it's her birthday).
I hope you all are doing well. no news is good news I assume.
I'm kind of a loner here so I still appreciate my friends from home... hinter hinter.
leaving for germany saturday morning, hopeuflly to see julie. it's a short short trip but I hope it will be filled with fun.
okay I have to go pee now and then to a speaker.
run with me

[12 May 2004|10:35am]
yeah I like it here,
it's not hot and humid like it is in MO, the weather is great. today is unusually hot, almost 80, and I think I'm going to take advantage of not working again and go sit on the beach and read Ulysses.
today I ran more errands, I'm trying to get stupid stuff out of the way because my dad leaves before they are open and gets home after they close and I don't think my mom has the mental capacity to deal with that kind of stuff right now, and while I'm here and not working I might as well try to get some stuff accomplished.
I'm coming home tomorrow though. for graduation. we are leaving at 5, so we should be home by 5.30 or 6.
at least this time we are taking dad's car and not mine, yikes.
oh! one exciting thing, at least for me, I went running yesterday, and I was thinking wow that was long, but I didn't realize how long, 10 miles. I'm kind of suffering for it today though...
today I am gonig to wait for it to cool off and run along the beach.

all of you keep in mind, this is a great place to vacation... camping...beaches...trails...biking...fishing (!?! someone might want to)... come and visit...
run with me

[11 May 2004|11:53am]
yesterday i:

developed a deep fear of being sucked into a grinder or conveyor belt this summer.

purchased my first pair of steel toed boots.

realized I now live in a HUGE tourist area that is on the verge of coming to life for the summer.

shopped for new floors for our new house with my dad.

went to the grocery store angeli's and realized it's hard to buy soy milk in the dairy state.

this morning i:

woke up at 5.30, decided there was nothing for me to do at work today because my physical wasn't in and went back to sleep.

slept in until 8.30

tried to walk down to the water, but realized the grassy part was really flooded and muddy, so I will save that for when my dad gets home and shows me a better route.

drove to town.

went to the marinette county library

tried to get a library card, rejected, need proof of residence

used computers to pay ebay, bills, and look up checking accounts and cell phones because mine doesn't work here.
anyone heard anything about nextel?

have been sitting at the library for 3 hours.

I think I'm going to go run.

hope you have a good a day as I did! :)
1 mile|run with me

[10 May 2004|01:42pm]
I'm in wisconsin.
drove all day yesterday with dad in the paseo.
got up at 5.30 this morning, drove an hour to work.
watched training modules on the computer. miner's training.
went to iron mountain for a physical. it took 3 hours.
got xrays and a drug test too.
drove back to pembine (where you can find ISP Minerals)
now I'm waiting to go out to eat with my daddyo
then I will rpobably watch more training videos for
the rest of the day because I can't work in the plant until my restults are back.
oh well 15$ an hour to try to stay awake.
run with me

[07 May 2004|09:59pm]
lowl, lol? lawl? in the night.
it is never ending.
I'm leaving all ewarly manana and i just don't think I'll be done.
jaleh and I walked to mcdona'lds I hate mchdon'at'lds.
sick sick sick
why did I do it?
well I was hungry I say, hungry.
back to the grindstone, I have to pack
run with me

[06 May 2004|03:48pm]
done with finals.
mailed in my last story last night, not quite superb but I was sick and tired and drunk from looking at it.
I will copy and paste it at the end of this entry so you can read it and see how I decided to end it, it wasn't much of a decision, it was more of a, fuck this I'm done.
so I'm coming through columbia on saturday. I want to stop and get my hair cut, so I'll swing by the mall, see becca, see megan. go see lucas. then I'm going back to mexico, see kaleena, unload. I might go back to columbia for the night, lucas said there is a party, is anyone else planning on going to that party? (aka, megan? you? or becca and/or kelly?)
since I've been at work all day I've done nothing but buy shit on ebay. so far I've won some shorts and cellulite lotion. haha.
okay and I don't have any money

here is that story: comments are appreciated, but they will have no account for my grade as I have already turned it in...


Dinner was good. The waiters were friendly and the food came quickly. The steak wasn't too bloody and the salad wasn't wilted. Laughing mingled in the air with the smell of fried eggplant. Everybody was having a great time. Except Sue, who hated eggplant.
In all their excitement and hungry chatter, none of her family or any of the friends had acknowledged her. Not one person out of all those 18 people had even asked how she was, how her day was going.
"How come no one is paying attention to me?" she wanted to scream. "I'm the one who gave birth to her!"
She wanted to run up to the head of the table and remind all these people how she carried Colombia for nine and a half months and was she was the one is labor for 16 hours. If it wasn't for her, Colombia wouldn't even be here. These people wouldn't be here, enjoying their bloody steak and fried eggplant, being so happy that Colombia was turning 20.
Didn't they understand, "Without me there would be no her,” Sue thought angrily, glaring at her bubbling daughter, who was daintily shoving forkfuls of eggplant into her perfect pink mouth. Colombia was beautiful. She was tall and slender, and her thick, blue-black shiney hair spiked out like lotus petals. Her skin was soft and pale, and seemed to be brought to life under her dark halo. She had wanted to come here, to Clover's Organic Cousine, for her 20th birthday party, because they made the best eggplant cake in town.
Sue hated eggplant, she always had; the thick smell, the slimy texture. When Colombia was five her dad had gotten her three chicken eggs for Easter. Ted had convinced Sue it would be fun and education for Colombia, who had no siblings, to not only learn some responsibility, but also have some playmates.
"Playmates? Dirty birds would be so much better than real little people to play with," she had thought sarcastically.
But she gave in, she couldn't remember why. Ted had probably looked at her with his hazel eyes and said something dumb like, "But Suzy Q (god, she hated that cliché nickname, you think he'd try something different after 10 years of marriage) we've gotta make Easter extra special for our baby somehow." And that probably made her think of how there barely was a Colombia and thank god for the new technology in fertility drugs. And Ted would've seen the look on her face as she thought about how Colombia was it for them, and taken her in his arms and hugged her as she looked up at him, playfully hitting his shoulder and saying, "Oh, fine, get the stupid chickens."
The next day when Ted came home from work at the garage he carried a small shoe box that had held pink size 12 1/2 sandals, the perfect size for the three tan eggs that now lay inside padded by straw. Colombia was immediately intrigued, but concerned as to how the orphaned eggs would survive without a mother. Ted explained to her she could be their mother.
"Instead of using your baby dolls to play house you can dress up real live babies, baby chicks," he said ruffing her hair, as Sue watched from across the room, envisioning chickens dressed in overalls and dresses flying around the house.
Colombia, as New Mother Hen, immediately began to pamper her baby eggs. She cradled them, rocked them, and put them to sleep at 8 o'clock sharp, bedtime. Tucked into her own bed, however, she began to worry about her babies. While her parents watched "Must See TV" she snuck into the kitchen and sat on the nest. That's the same night Sue remembers her running into the living room, interrupting Friends, and carrying a yellow dripping egg.
To comfort Colombia, and the remaining babies, Ted took her to the Super Wal-Mart and bought an incubator to help keep them warm for the night. Sue stayed home and watched the rest of Friends. However, she had started feeling a little hungry and, being raised on a frugal farm in Western Illinois, decided not to waste the unfortunate yolk. She started up the gas burner and plopped the third baby right onto the sizzling pan.
She had just reached poached perfection when Ted and Colombia came home proudly displaying the new home. Colombia ran to the show box that was now 1/3 empty to proudly introduce the new home. Sue had thought Colombia would think it was another egg, maybe not even realize it was an egg at all, she had thought Colombia was too little to understand, she had thought Colombia didn't hear the 'adult' words she sometimes muttered under her breath when she hit her foot on the cabinet or cut her finger while making dinner. She had thought very wrong.
"You bitch!" Colombia ran screaming at her, arms flailing, ripping, and punching, just as Sue lifted Baby #3 to her mouth. The fork flew across the table and the plate catapulted egg against the wall. Not the most dignified funeral.
Sue had wanted to punish Colombia, "at least timeout," she had argued with Ted, "she physically attacked me, and she used a curse word" she said hushing her voice. But Ted had thought the five-year-old’s reaction was understandable, "For God's sake Sue, you ate her baby!"
So Colombia went unpunished and raised her remaining two 'children' in their backyard with her father's permission, right there on 31st and L. Ted hadn't really asked Sue if it was okay, ever since the "eating incident" Sue kept quiet about the chickens. She felt bad, like her daughter thought she was a muderess, not only that, some sort of cannibalistic murderess. So Sue kept quiet when it came to chickens.
The family began to grow and along with it grew Colombia's passion for 'chicken's rights.' Sue had never heard of such a thing and she was certain the neighbors hadn't either. Soon there was a full blown free range chicken farm, certified supporter of PETA, living in the backyard. Colombia had agreed to sell some when some of the larger roosters began to develop territorial issues, but "only for pets, no food." Business was slow, and when Colombia was 10, the front yard had to be conquered because the "roosters are only acting natural Mom, tell the neighbors they will stop crowing all the time once they have their own space." So Sue gave in still feeling a little guilty, and tried to make the best of living in the middle of a chicken farm, a non edible chicken farm, who had even heard of such a thing?
Of course this meant that she had to stop cooking chicken, "how do would you feel if your family just started bringing in other people and eating them?" After 15 years, Sue had thought of countless recipes for eggplant, and she still hated even the smell of it.
"At least I can order steak here," she had thought as she hungrily eyed the menu. But as she turned to the young waiter named, Mark, or Mike or something like that, and pointed to the steak dinner, Colombia had leaned over from across the table, "Mom! What are you doing? You can't order that! You can't live in an animal rights mecca and order that! What will people think?"
Colombia had then looked up sweetly at the MarkMike and said sweetly, "She'll have the fried eggplant, it's her favorite."
Now, Sue pushed her mushy eggplant around the plate. Damn technology, she thought. If only there'd have been no such thing as fertility drugs, she could be eating steak, living in a house with a nice yard and a picket fence, no chicken wire draped from 10 foot poles. Guilt surged through her, but then again, she had never expected technology would bring her a daughter like Colombia.
She looked up at her daughter. Colombia was eagerly discussing veganism with Sue's brother, Tom, and her friend Joel. The others at the table, although not directly involved in the discussion, leaned in nosily to overhear what was being said.
Colombia's presence seemed to attract people from every direction. It was like she had some strange sort of kinetic energy, magnetism, maybe, Sue didn't know much about science, some sort of force, anyway, that made people love her. She didn't really have to understand science to know that it had something to do with Colombia's beauty. With her cool, pale skin, and her spiky black hair, she had a beauty that was rare, the cliché Diamond in the rough, was the one Sue heard most often. Although Colombia had the physique of a runway model, she wasn't graceful, and Sue was sure this was the secret to her attraction. Colombia was just awkward enough to make her relatable to average people. Across awkward handshakes and clumsily folded legs, they could understand her more as a human, and not the midnight fairy she gave the initial illusion of.
And people always commented on the beautiful blue black shade of Colombia's hair to Sue. Everywhere she went, church, the grocery store, the library, everywhere, usually Colombia wasn't even with her. "Oh! her hair is just so gorgeous!" They would always stop her, gently putting their hand on her shoulder as if to 'catch' whatever it was Sue had that made Colombia so beautiful. "Oh yes, you can buy it too, Feria Starry Night, only $6.95 at the Super Wal-Mart," Sue would always reply subtly shaking off their greedy hands. Sue hated Colombia's hair. Why couldn't she just leave it her natural color? Was there something wrong with her light brown hair? she thought as she peered through her own dirty blonde bangs. When she was Colombia's age, dirty blonde hair was the color girls wanted. They would rub flour in their hair instead of washing it to make it look dirty and unkempt. That's what was cool then. Sue's dirty blonde hair had always been cool.
Colombia always tried to help her 'spice' her hair up. "Come on Mom," she'd say. "Let's do something cool with it this time." Then she'd twist the thin, limp hair into dreadlocks, or pretend she was going to cut off the dying ponytail. Sue would cringe and untangle Colombia's eager fingers from her flossy strands, then she would make an appointment with Bobbi at Master Cuts. But after every visit with Bobbi, Sue would come home, ask Colombia what she thought, gently rearranging the fresh ends of her hair, and Colombia would look at her, pop her gum and ask, "Think about what?"
Sue cursed herself for agreeing to name her daughter Colombia. Like the chickens, it was one of Ted's ideas, and like the chickens, it haunted Sue everyday of her life. "As if she doesn't get enough attention already, we had to name her some crazy name." Sue had argued against naming her baby after a drug trafficking country, but eventually gave in because the more she said it in her head, the prettier it sounded and the less it reminded her of cocaine. But now people reminded her almost everyday what a pretty name it was and how it suited her daughter perfectly, "What an original name for such an original girl" and Sue tried to decide if Susan would make her sound more fun. Maybe she could spell it with a Z, Suzanne, she had seen some younger women do it like that, it added spunk, she thought. In high school she had always gone by Susie, but her parents told her it was time to grow up once she went to college. So she enrolled in Business Ethics as Sue McAndrews.
Dinner was getting long, as was the vegan conversation at the other end of the table. Sue started getting anxious. She felt like she was eleven again, waiting for her dad, Deacon Kenny, to finish up making his social rounds after Sunday service. She would always stand at the door of the sanctuary, keys in hand, jiggling them just loud enough so she knew he would hear, but kind of quiet so that she wouldn't get in trouble for interrupting. She leaned over to Ted and pressed the keys to their Honda Accord into his rough palm, "Honey, are we almost ready to wrap it up here?" she whispered. Ted looked at her, "What are you talking about? We've only been here an hour and you know this is Colombia's favorite place. Come on, Sue, it's her birthday for crying out loud, it's her day today."
run with me

[03 May 2004|07:18pm]
two finals down, 1 final 2 papers to go.
the regatta this weekend was good. I got 5 medals. yes I'm bragging. everyboat I raced in got a medal. it was fun but I didn't study at all.
it was a good time though.
last night was crazy stressful, so was this morning, now I am in decompression mode, but I still have shit to do.
I'm ready to be done, I need to come home, this hair is out of control...needs a cut. and I want to see you all of course.
although as far as I'm concerned you're dead because no one is updating....
1 mile|run with me

geez. what's with all these updates... [29 Apr 2004|11:08pm]
so this is the latest I've been awake and actually awake in a while in seems. I feel out sync with everyone.
I feel like sleeping they feel like partying. jaleh is being weird. really weird. like jr high weird. trust me it's weird.
like when you felt like your best friends were dissing you for the cooler funner kids. the ones who were popular. that's how I feel right now. which is a shitty feeling. because I thought everyone I knew was past that stage. or something.
anyway. I just want to go to spain. I don't want to live here next year not even for a semester.this whole apt. thing is just too cool for me, and apparently I just don't know.
I wish people were just expected to live by themselves, I wish I could afford to live by myself. or with alyse. that would've been fun.

I hate being in the library when everyone else is out. actually I like not being out, but I just don't want to be inthe library and I don't want to go back to have to go get my clothes out of the dryer, all four loads and then fold them, and then I def. don't want to go to topeka this weekend, actually maybe I do. becaus eI don't want to be here and I don't want to take finals and I really really don't want to be happy, cant you tell?
1 mile|run with me

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